I can say this in confident because through out my experiences,
it is almost a guarantee that I never abandon the person I love ....
To me ... or my site of story for past 2 weeks are :
I never leave you,
I got tight up,
I didn't email you
and I didn't sms you
but I was always thinking about you
and wondering what I could do to ease your feeling
but ended up I couldn't do a thing at that time.
The best thing I could do, at that time,
was asking you to give me some Time.
Then when I finally able to make time to write you ....
You have said you are gone.
My heart was really sour at that time.
To me, it was another typical my life stage where
someone I love left me before I have a chance to share ....
especially I was preparing to share so much ....
I was hurt,
I had sour heart.
But I treasure the feeling you gave me,
thus I love you more.
However, I had to make a mark on that scar ....
as my 1st scar in my heart from you.
I don't know if you remember my "hurt me twice" rule ?
I don't know yet if I can take the 3rd hit from you.
I don't know if I will get defensive when you strike me the 3rd time ....
but even if I have to protect myself by then,
I can surely let you know now,
I still love you exactly the same as always if not more ...
and I would probably just entering into a self protect mechanism.
This is the button I beg you not to push .... now.
Coz I need you
and I will hate myself
if I restrain myself to contact you again ....
On my part,
I love a person as she is.
I have no expectation ... well, may be not entirely true.
I do have expectations
but those expectations would not affect my love to her.
When she didn't do as 'I expected' I just get disappointed, upset ...
but I still treasure those feeling she gave me,
hence continue to love her ...
... I usually take a much longer time to express my feeling...
I needed to think of a way to express my love...
and to express it at the right moment where I can be very sure she can feel it.
....... else I don't do anything at all.
With you ....
I broke that 'way of dealing' of mine.
I said it out loud I miss you and I love you
before I spend time to think of how I should express my love this time etc.
By now that I have tried both ways,
I think the previous approach is still better for me.
No matter how many times I type the words miss and love,
I don't think you can feel what I really want you to know.
Because when I typed it, I didn't feel it neither ...
or I just don't feel enough ... how could u ever feel any better then ? isn't it ?
*HUG*
M
Thursday, 11 Sep 2008 02:11
I want you to hold me tight...
and never let go of me, anymore...
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