Friday, October 10, 2008

I am fear

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Is this what you have been experiencing? Enjoy and not mind for the aloneness in life?
I feel and understand your love while reading it.
Weeks ago, your broad love put me into solitude as I want to love myself and you.  
And I did come across what has been described here in this book.  
And I do experience the exact same emotion problems as described too - anger, hatred, envy, and these have made me realized that I do miss you 
- but I can not/should not miss any image/you as described here? Or it wont be a true love? Or this is simply to perfect to pursuit in life - even the writer could not perform it well?

As it states that when emotion comes, do not act on them but simply overlook them and ignore them - I am now waiting to see what's next.  
I do not like this aloneness feeling.  
I do not like being alone, without you around.  (does it mean occupying?)
I do not like it.  
So, i do not love you?

But I do want to love myself now and stop hurting anyone.  I think this is essential.

***

Is this whole thing even alright - When we are together one day(physically)/now(mentally)?
Are we able to accept the outcome - good and bad ones?

In my pov, i have to imagine the worse - and I am too weak to accept any failure: success here/failure there; or failure here/success there.

I can be joyful and positive all day long as I have been doing so in my past life, but right now in this curve of life I cant help but thinking I'm such an idiot then.   However, in [The Science of Getting Rich] , i can not hold any negative feeling at all...
This is really difficult... 

***

perhaps all of these are merely my fantasy.  You do not exist at all.  Am I being negative again... hope not... maybe only this particular very short moment in the day.  I dont know.

Being positive, confident and happy is good, only if I see you.  U r quiet and busy. So this is me. Being occupying and demanding.... Even by showing and composing this blog, it is the inefficiency that i should avoid to do as in [The Science of Getting Rich]
or it is simply a record of the journey... that should not exist?