送你的卡 ﹣Let's dance happily because of the sound of raindrops

你為何嘆息了呢

我又猜錯了麼

既然我不懂你又不能給你繪畫題詩來逗你歡喜

我想我就這樣靜靜地待在這兒等你好了

有一天

我們就會相會了。。。

靜待的同時

我努力地生活和懂你

我也會繼續努力愛他，和愛所有的人

不再放棄

只是，這種無奈對我來說很痛

和你不一樣：我討厭任何的痛

我愛清醒

我愛快樂

我愛快樂地快樂﹣這是我的唯一和永恆

雖然我同樣地喜愛和你一同埋醉

不如你就和我一同快樂地去快樂了吧

其一和唯一

愛妳並不是不愛她，愛她也不會愛妳少一些。

如果有一天妳也明白愛是無限的，

可能妳就知道這不是慌言，也不是空談，

卻是一種無奈的真。就像他一樣。

Saturday, 27 September 2008  06:01

我已經懂了無限，和你了。

是你低估了我，和我的愛吧。

原來這次我已經超越了你的想像了 ：））

**

我懂了我全都懂了你放心去愛任何你想要愛人事物思想吧

因為愛是接受。

只是，這是我所能付出的愛罷了

如此地狹窄和唯一。

我期待有一天你也能來懂我。

Solitude

Solitude vs Loneliness
Loneliness is marked by a sense of isolation.
Solitude, on the other hand, is a state of being alone without being lonely and can lead to self-awareness.

我不懂繪畫
我不懂題詩
我不懂任何創作
我也一點兒也捉摸不透你
和要如何討你歡喜
但我想我懂這是我要安靜學習的時刻
之前的種種都沉澱了
我想我該做些成年人做的事吧﹣安靜。

也希望這是你喜歡的。

因為我們只有one-month-old

by the way, happy 1st mensiversary

Geniuses are often accused of lacking common sense, or emotional sensitivity 

= this is what I have came across in great men around me.  

I am not good in anything in my entire life, but love.  

I think I have been trying my very best to love each and everyone in my past 33 years of life, whoever loved or hated me.  

As predicted, I grew up each time after I failed in my love journey but I have never wanted to stop looking for love in my life.  

But a genius with love, i have not seen one 

- u do exist?  

I am very surprised to find you today. 

Great men around me, they either do not care about what love is nor capable of knowing how to love or care anyone around them.

Thank you for loving me and us.  But, I am not your soul mate... 

I may be someone or first one who ever cares about you except your close ones.... 

but how could I ever be your soul mate when I have not looked into you till today?

I only get to see u as at one month today - it probably gains me a ticket to get to know you in future but I am simply no one who could ever love you right now as I am so childish and surface... 

I am rather depressed to have seen you today by knowing that you have been so lonely and longing to be loved.  

I wanna love and care of you and providing anything you are longing for, however I am not capable of? Don't know who you are yet?

You might be too wide, broad and great to be loved... so, I can't say that I love you now can I?

It might even been hurting when I said I did as I was merely loving the affections you brought to me

I am one of the luckiest one who get us there today but you do deserve anyone much better than I could ever be - I have met too many great ladies in my life.

自己卻存在在於你之外

Sunday 21 September 2008, 1507



我知道愛並不是被愛
只是當我以為你不再愛了
或是你以為你愛了
我就告訴你我要走了

我以為這是你要我學習的灑脫
因為你讓你的愛收起來不讓我看見
於是我唯有說我灑脫了

為的是讓你不再擔心我
然後就悄悄地可以放心去愛我

因為我只能被你愛
因為你懂愛

我和你一樣從未離開過
也永遠不可能離開
但是你的博愛讓我感到富足卻空虛﹔喜愛卻無奈
因為我此生只能如此完全地無私地去愛。。。
只是你不願意放下自己去看見
我和我的愛
也可以很無限

你底估了我的愛
你也底估了自己所能遇見的愛

我一直存在在你的存在
自己卻存在在於你之外

風兒雲兒
誰不想愛
誰不願意去愛
誰不渴望被愛

我看見你了
和你帶了那傷痕累累的疲憊
我只能說我到我這兒來哭吧訴吧
因為。我能懂。我願意去懂。

有一天我會長大跟上你了因為我要被你愛
然後你會說你終於也看見我
和永遠也離不開我了

因為這一切都是在我的魔法棒點擊之間

我願意相信這不是個奢望

再也不下雨了。我懂。

有時沒下雨

可是如果妳肯跑去後面找一找

可能還會看到一兩滴小雨在樹葉上

雖小又少

它們所傳的愛卻一樣的真

妳感覺的到嗎？

Saturday    20 September 2008     09:57

多或少

我都不在乎了

心思情緒一層又一層蓋放在心上

上上落落深深淺淺快樂難過

我都攪不懂也不愛理了

簡單的快樂是你我所能負擔的

那就攜我手和我一同

簡單地快樂去吧

是我偷了你的灑脫

還你撿起了我的緊張

嗯我想我就這樣簡單地終老就好了

閒兒你帶我到宇宙月球去

閒兒我帶你到心靈深處去

這不是你要的思想放縱和出軌嗎？

我悄悄地跟著你了

飄逸的風仙子

攪不懂自己的方向目標

讓人們都錯過了他的美麗

有一天他會像我一樣

都看懂了情感的依歸是無所不在的

周而復始...

親愛的Ｍ

我以為能得到像你疼其它人一樣的疼愛

原來都是自己誤會了

是你太博愛了

還是我太期待愛了

把自己的生活攪的一蹋糊塗

可能你和我一樣的沒自信

可能我和你一樣愛鑽牛角尖

今天我覺得難過極了

愛是不期望回報的嗎？是真的嗎？

那我此生就枉稱愛了

因為每當我看不見愛，

我就難過地悄悄走了。

繁華鬧市中每一殼寂寞的心

都期待愛

都想愛與被愛

當愛似乎靠近時

卻有捉不住愛，不懂得愛

然後就高呼再也不需要愛了

因為愛是互動的

是需要回報的？

我愛你

我想我可能會永遠都愛著你

可是也許正因為如此

相愛變了一個無法解決的難題。。。

而永遠無法再愛下去了

在愛情的烏托邦裡

我期待源源的愛

於是我需要放棄了

因為我沒有愛的能力和動力

在知心的角度

我是永遠離不開你了

你是一個我費盡此生都想解開的拼圖遊戲

和你一塊兒探討人生實在太好玩了

：）

你好好地休息吧

我知道你會想念我的

就像我也會想念你一樣

就像剛開始時一樣

風花雪月天南地北

簡簡單單

不是挺完美的麼

是你或是我太傻氣了

把大家都嚇壞了：）

情緒感覺一重又一重的覆蓋在心上

多了就亂了

今天我整整齊齊地整理好了

真真假假有誰真願意知道？

我還是原來的我

今朝有酒今朝醉就好了

是我終於看透了

還是我又隨你後

聽了你的話呢

Dear M

It is interesting to compare our horoscopes to check the compatibility of what is good or bad personal trails in us.  I have got all 4 choices as the last time I studied this sort of mysterious stuff, they are partially affected by the birthdates... U were in the tail of Aqua, so i listed the next horoscope as well; Im was supposed to be born a month ago and I was born in the beginning so i'd like to try to the previous one as well... somehow there could be something fun we could find out....

I highlighted those in purple colour which I found interesting...

(1) 魔羯座(土)+水瓶(風)=塵(踏實)

有活力的一對；共同的特性：穩定。

我：傳統的處事方式，同一個錯誤做一千遍也不厭，至到找到出路為止。

你：你最愛不按理出牌啦﹣我懂你。

可是我倆卻又同時不滿於現狀，要發掘新方向，要最完美的人生，結果就總是沒完沒了。。。

（看我倆同樣地尋醉埋醉於生活／烏托邦就知道這裡說的有多准確了。。。其它人，跟本不認為需要去尋醉。。。或何為不醉？

看來我們需要學習放棄在人生中不斷地跨欄/追求完美的特性了。。。

正因為如此才互相吸引了吧？

我需要看多一點外面的可能性；你需要多一點點兒的穩定.

和“後水瓶”你在各層面的根本和理智上都好。柔和的金星讓我倆崇愛美麗的東西。如果可少一點點兒“太過講究 affectio and attention“就可以成為很好的一對。

So we should not have affection and attention ?

it means we are the logical pairs ... but not the emotional pairs.

I thought we were quite emotional...

Wednesday,  17 Sep 2008    15:47

Capricorn + Aquarius  : Earth + Air  =  Dust

Capricorn and Aquarius create a mysterious combination of energies. 

Both of you are ruled by the planet Saturn, which means you have certain qualities in common, such as stability and predictability. But Aquarius also has the influence of Uranus, which leads to unpredictability.You’re thoroughly traditional, and love to stick to the tried and tested, whereas Aquarius believes that existing structures must be broken down. They’re not content with things as they are, and are constantly pushing situations to the limit.They also believe life should be explored and new ideas should be tested out; this is the way, they say, to get the most out of life. This approach can present immense hurdles for both of you. On the other hand, maybe these opposite natures are just what you both need. Perhaps you and Aquarius are two sides of the same coin. You need a bit of a push to move you out of your comfort zone and Aquarius needs your steady hand to keep them anchored in the here and now.

Your tastes in other areas of life also differ. You like antiques, and traditional art, where Aquarius likes more modern furnishings and abstract art. There could be the same sorts of differences in your musical tastes.

There are also some doubts in the area of intimacy. The explorer in Aquarius will make you feel a little staid and boring. If you take up some of the exciting sexual opportunities on offer it could bring you together far more quickly.

You’ll be enlightened by your excursions into new territory, and Aquarius might learn that a bit of old-fashioned lovemaking is just as pleasurable as anything else. Both of you should exercise a little open-mindedness in these matters, focus on your similarities rather than your differences, and give the other person’s style a go. 

Aquarians born between 21 January and 30 January are the revolutionaries of life. They will make you feel very uneasy, especially if they push their agenda too hard and fast. You will only be able to take measured doses of these people. Take it slow and easy with them. Aquarians born between 31 January and 8 February will bring you joy and humour, but are not necessarily fated for a long-term relationship with you. This combination could go either way. 

You’ll feel comfortable, intellectually and physically, with Aquarians born between 9 February and 18 February. 

The influence of Venus means they’re very much into all things beautiful. 

They also tend to be a little excessive by nature, and love lots of affection and attention. 

If you can to give them that, this could be a good match. 

***

(2) You were born in the tail of Aqua, so I'd like to try to look into Pisces which might describe part of you.

縱然是個像土一樣柔和的zhu

Capricorn + Pisces 

Earth + Water = Mud

Although Capricorn and Pisces are both feminine and receptive signs, there are quite a few differences between you. 

The feminine is considered intuitive, in tune with emotions, and while this may be true at a deeper level, Capricorn is more drawn to the concrete and practical. 

Pisces, on the other hand, is obviously idealistic. 

They are into self-sacrifice and philosophical concepts, not material self-interest. 

This could be hard for you to understand, being as goal-oriented as you are, and it could make you feel poles apart.

You like things that can be proved, and don’t have much time for concepts that are beyond the senses. 

Pisces tend to feel life with their hearts rather than their minds, and are constantly daydreaming. 

This will frustrate you if you feel Pisces is not doing anything practical.

Nevertheless, Capricorn and Pisces can usually build a good friendship. 

They say that opposites attract; here’s your chance to test that theory. 

Don’t completely discount a Capricorn/Pisces love affair. 

You are very capable of sustained work and self-sacrifice towards material goals. 

Pisces is a wonderful and selfless worker as well, but tends to do so for the benefit of others. 

So this can in fact be an extremely good combination if you both understand a little of each other’s motivations. 

You’ll become less self-centred and driven by work if you get involved with Pisces. 

And Pisces will become more practical and will start to save money. 

Even though you’re not completely compatible, working together to build your relationship and your lives into something solid and enduring will eventually give you both a great deal of satisfaction. 

The most idealistic Pisces are those born between 19 February and 28/29 February. 

You could have a tough time with them, and eventually feel they are off with the fairies. 

There doesn’t seem to be a great initial connection; you might have to try hard with them to get to a deeper love. 

Pisces born between 1 March and 10 March have a strong lunar influence that colours their moods. You’ll feel comfortable with them. 

You’re quite likely to become strongly connected to them and look forward to a long-term partnership. 

With Pisceans born between 11 March and 20 March, friendship is a better bet than an intimate relationship. 

These people are quite intense, and they can look a lot softer and more fragile than they really are. 

You might think you have the upper hand with them, only to find that you’re very much mistaken. 

***

(3) I was suppose to be born a month ago, plus Im in the beginning of Capricorn, so I'd like to look into Sag.

Sagittarius + Aquarius

Fire + Air = Hot Air



Both Sagittarius and Aquarius love a busy — perhaps even hectic — timetable, and love meeting people. 

You are likely to become great friends. 

New and progressive ideas and generally being in the centre of social action is something you both seek, so anything to do with clubs, theatres, outings and outdoor sports will attract both of you. 

But there are differences too. 

Your enthusiasm and self-confidence makes you very warm and demonstrative; 

Aquarius is a little more aloof. 

You must remember that Aquarius is very quirky by nature and progressive in all their attitudes. Fortunately, this doesn’t worry you. 

You are happy to let people have their own views.

But be prepared for some pretty abrupt and unexpected changes from Aquarius. (ehmm....i don think i like surprises... before i found my solid ground....)

Even though they are more methodical and prudent than you, there are times when they need a complete change of pace. 

This might throw you off balance and leave you struggling to adjust. 

Life with an Aquarian will be dynamic, and never dull or routine. (Thank you for that, but Im not sure if Im ready for that...)

You’ll find yourselves spending hour upon hour deep in discussions — about everything from the environment to politics to conspiracy theories to who knows what. 

You’ll entertain each other, and this will be the basis for a good, long-term friendship if nothing else. (I enjoy and love that a lot)

The sexual side of your relationship is likely to be high-energy and exciting. 

Aquarius is very electric, and very desirable. 

Your affection can help Aquarius relax and become calmer. 

This will be a great improvement on their usual frenzied approach. 

As long as they don’t bring that into the bedroom, you’ll be happy. 

If you find yourself with an Aquarian born between 21 January and 30 January you might be surprised to find just how strong-willed they are. 

It’s likely there will be a clash of wills, and a fierce clash at that! 

Take extra precautions if you’re seriously thinking of a relationship with them. 
Aquarians born between 31 January and 8 February are affected by the sign of Gemini and Mercury, which happens to rule your marriage sector. 

Holy wedlock might just be on the cards if you end up in a relationship with someone born in this period. Good luck.

Most Aquarians born between 9 February and 18 February will be far more romantically drawn to you if you’re born between 23 November and 1 December. 

The touch of Venus will help them soothe your soul and make you feel loved and cared for. 

***

(4)

Sagittarius + Pisces



Fire + Water = Steam



Both Sagittarius and Pisces are ruled by Jupiter. 

This means you have some immediate understanding of each other, and similar ways of thinking.

But Pisces is also strongly influenced by Neptune, which makes them dreamy, sensitive and even mystical. 

This appeals to your Sagittarian idealism: you both feel there’s a deeper meaning to life. 

You could spend a lot of time tuning in to these common interests and building your relationship on them. 

There are also some significant differences between you. 

For example, you’re far more fiery and outgoing, and you could sometimes push receptive and easygoing Pisces to the point of retaliation.

Also, Pisces needs time to take in their surroundings, and likes to dream their dreams at their own pace. 

This is the opposite of your gung-ho approach — you like to get things done now. 

You’d rather implement dreams than dream them. 

This difference could be a sticking point in your relationship. 

Pisces does relate to the domestic side of Sagittarius, though. 

This is because Pisces wants to settle into a familiar environment, create a family and get down to the job of living a life that is nurturing.

That’s not to say they won’t enjoy exploring the world with you. 

The right sort of Pisces will soothe your tempestuous and volatile restlessness and share in the thrill of what you have to offer. 

The sexual and emotional aspirations of Sagittarius and Pisces have a lot in common, so there can be some exciting moments for the two of you, both inside and outside the bedroom. Sensually speaking, this is a good match. 

You could have very similar interests to Pisces born between 19 February and 28/29 February. 

These Pisceans have an intuitive streak, so listen to their suggestions when they get a hunch. This can help develop your relationship, believe it or not. 

Be on guard when dealing with Pisces born between 1 March and 10 March — their overemotional sensitivity can create disturbances for you. 

They are finicky about the way you should save or spend your money. 

Being as free and easy as you are, this won’t be easy to adjust to. 

You’ll love mixing with Pisces born between the 11 March and 20 March. 

They are strongly influenced by Mars, Pluto and Jupiter. 

There will be something secretive or clandestine about your contact with these Pisceans, though, so be prepared for a rather different type of relationship if you’re serious about getting involved with them. 

***

水瓶男 VS. 魔羯女

配對評分：74 分

☆☆☆ 還不錯的一對 ☆☆☆ 



解析：



一般人總認為風象星座和土象星座是不合的，但這也有程度比較上的不同，水瓶座和摩羯座是相鄰的兩個星座，也是這兩象星座組合配對中比較好的一對。

但是要知道，摩羯跟您一樣是不太交心的星座，並且不像您表面較有親和力，不但外表有距離感，表裡如一的摩羯心也不怎麼好接近。



注意事項：



瓶子覺得摩羯座的人看似簡單，但事實上卻不單純，而且也很嚴肅；雖然他要的一切與做事方式對您來說，是太過實際，但對您而言，他就像是鎮定劑，能帶給您穩固的安定感。建議您與摩羯能以工作上相輔相成的配合方式談戀愛，那會因比較實際的共同目標而攜手；這樣摩羯的注意力會分散，瓶子會覺得比較自由、沒壓迫感...^_*

瓶子善作未來的計劃，合著摩羯座刻苦耐勞的精神，這樣的搭配將無往不利。

↑以水瓶來講~



解析：

土象星座遇上風象星座，通常他覺得無趣，您則覺得無力，不容易組合成功。幸好，摩羯與瓶子位置相鄰，自然有些親切感。不過，對人生目標確定、做事穩重的摩羯，總認為理想派的瓶子一心想打破傳統，實在是太烏托邦；雖然想法高妙，令您崇拜眩目，可是您又清楚他的想法不太踏實。在瓶子來說，像您這款“用力”愛他，實在讓他不知如何是好。他是如此的博愛，對每個人都一律平等的友好，要怎麼給您“相同”的回報呢？這種“平等”的態度，絕對會是讓您非常非常嫉妒的一點！



注意事項：



摩羯的您，一遇上知性聰明的人就抵擋不住，所以瓶子豐富的知識，中性清新又幽默的性格與冷靜的處事態度，很能挑動您的心弦，相處起來會相當愉快。可是，您是個標準的實踐主義者，瓶子這些吸引您的特質，一半來自他平時對興趣的投資，時間與金錢一樣也不少，您看在眼裡，覺得他實在既不經濟又無所事事，尤其他所做的事，最後大概有百分之八十會沒“結果”；做朋友還好，若是情人、夫妻實在蠻辛苦的！

您若真受他的特質所吸引，必須要克制自己想教育他邁入現實化的慾望，您還是可以用長輩的姿態去疼愛他，卻不要用老早過氣的高壓命命方式。其實大膽作夢的瓶子所“幻想”的事，並不是絕無可能達成，他缺的是像您這般英明睿智的後援支持。別急著去指責、嘮叨他，試著幫他實踐才有建設性嘛！切記：再怎麼用力愛他，嘔心瀝血，也比不上用心和他一起經營志趣來得有用。

↑以魔羯來說~

http://tw.knowledge.yahoo.com/question/question?qid=1608012003860   (aquarius)

　缺點是：自我、冷漠、太理性、難以捉摸、缺乏熱情
　　不易親近、不合群、叛逆、固執、不知變通、情緒化
　　疑心病強、心機重（？）、善變、懶惰、缺乏自動性

hahaha

my bf is really lazy

10.魔羯熟女最看不上的男生…牡羊座。

魔羯座的女生很成熟，凡事都想的很完整，做事情很有計畫，可是牡羊座要做就做，即使沒有計畫他也相信世界為他而開，久而久之牡羊男的幼稚行為會讓魔羯女發現她是在照顧一個小孩，這是魔羯女最受不了的事情。

.與處女座女生最難溝通的男生星座是…水瓶座。

水瓶座的男生讓處女座的女生感到很挫敗，為了水瓶男好，為他想盡所有的事情，水瓶男沒有反應就是沒有反應，因為對水瓶男而言進度是掌握在自己手裡，雖然他愛對方也沒有離開對方，但卻不代表對方可以改變他

hahah too true

水瓶座的男人有時候對朋友的好已經超過對女朋友的好，因為水瓶男對女友的態度有時候是忽冷忽熱或者不理不踩，但是他對普通的朋友甚至是異性的朋友都非常的好，其實水瓶座的特性就是對於親近的人是不用感覺的，反而是對有點距離的人特別好，因此久而久之會讓水瓶男的女朋友覺得自己在他的心目中越來越沒有份量，自然心中就沒有安全感。

http://tw.knowledge.yahoo.com/question/question?qid=1105062710646

往後一個人。。。

今夜

你說需要我

於是

我希望能為你做些什麼

至少和你說說話

可我卻礙於P正在需要著你

所以今天我是一通電話都沒打出過。。。

從早上想想打個電話給你鼓勵你

到下午想打個電話給好友們分享我的決定

到晚上看見無奈的痛

到現在

我還是選擇了一個人度過。。。

我想，從此以後就這樣靜靜地就算了吧

營營碌碌那麼多年了

是否就是時候學習一下．安．靜

：）

如果你這個零晨你看見了這一篇

我想讓你知道我現在獨自在家裡

你可以找我喧一喧

和你說話很貼心。

在似鏡明月下 - 原來這叫無奈

今夜

在似鏡明月下、在嬉戲中、在安靜中

我嘗試想像有一天我離開了這個暄鬧的家庭

到底也是一個痛

到底也不會像想像中地灑脫。

然後

我品嘗著傷痛

想起了你的話

原來你就是這樣在喜樂中看見痛？痛裡尋喜樂？

原來，是這樣的一種痛。

願似鏡明月寄意

* * * * *

我看見自己第一次

由頭到尾都只任由自己為自己作伴、傾訴。

這次我希望可以自己為自己維護一次

因為我此生都讓人照顧得太多了

這次我想靜靜地看看自己

如何面對

如何選擇

如何照顧自己

我帶著作者華麗的情感

也提醒自己保持作者的理智

16. 風聞有你 In rumour of...

Network seems to have problem... Good Night! 

And I will hug my pillow as if holding you :)

Saturday, 13 Sep 2008   6:00

I assume that you mean 

你懂我了

然後想疼我

而把我擁入懷內

或者今晚的分享

讓你看見了自己的需要

無論如何

和你一起回顧過去是種貼心的感受

慢慢揭開一個又一個未痊癒卻密密封閉的蒼疤

用不同的角度來審視人生觀

這是一個好的感受

究竟是你真的是如此完美

還是我的想像力太豐富了？

因為無論你捎來怎樣的詞句

我都可以寫上我的感想

成為你的follower

（我有跟對了嗎？）

而你一直都在追看下一集

是你太自愛了

還是你太渴望被愛了？

到底我們是否如此完美

還是我們都愛在夢中尋醉？

我沒法弄清楚

可我只好再次對自己說，

我想珍惜我的感受

而我只需要自己對自己負責

有一天如果你要走了

我也同樣地慶興此生我見過你了

因為向來你都只在書中、戲中、傳說中、夢中出現過。。。

* * * *

告訴我  我的文字帶出來的思想太恐怖了吧

因為你跟本沒做過什麼

而是我在自個兒地自諞自導自演自憐自愛

然後我就會同樣地回答你說

我會聽你的

我也會相信這一切都是假相

我只是想為自己和你寫一個動人的故事

而把自己投放在裡邊

然後我就再次輕鬆地站起來

繼續在完美的生活裡埋醉

因為我永遠抱著兩種最極端的思想

無論後來的事實是那一樣

我才有能力站起來。

就像我在忙碌的生活中摘寫美麗的博客一樣

我貪心地要把兩個自己都兼顧了。

我希望你不會害怕或為我難過

我只是希望可以依俯在你心裡的一條可憐虫

悄悄地、靜靜地、不驚動任何人

只有我和你。

第十六篇

這開始了全新的一輯

因為我在過去３星期

自諞自導自演自娛自傷自癒了自己的

一齣人生的戲

我還為自己摘寫了

一篇人生的總結 ﹣

一封要他放開我的信箋。

因為惟有這樣我才能容許自己愛你／愛我自己。

這全然不同的感受是我今夜想對你說的話。

謝謝你在過去不放棄的愛

而我自發地找到自己

是你？還是《祕密》？還是我？還是神？

我竟然有如此一舉

It is a definitely a milestone to mark in my life

愛 L.O.V.E.

謝謝你的愛

是如此地.巨.大.和.完.美.

讓人．溫.暖.

我卻免不了懷疑

我也能有如此的付出麼？

回顧

我只有能力努力地深愛過他們

只有能力讓他們看見我的愛和包容

只有能力在彼此生命中永遠留下深刻的痕跡

愛是萬般包容

我以為我懂．愛？

原來我包容的程度是膚淺的、短暫的

在後來我還是告訴他們我要走了

我沒能力再愛下去了

是誰膚淺？

是誰短視？

是誰沒能力？

是誰不願意努力？

我。

打著尋愛，沒人愛，要被人愛的旗號

到底原來是自己沒能力去愛

學什麼人談情說愛？

我只好自私地安慰自己說

我太渴望愛、

於是愛的太快了

然後發覺愛錯了。。。

愛裡沒有對錯？

我只好自私地安慰自己說

我在愛裡學習了、成長了

我一次比一次更懂得愛和包容了。。。

你

害怕我所謂的愛麼

我此等膚淺高傲的愛跟本不堪一擊。。。

原來我努力了一生去學習愛和生活

只能是個讓世人詫異驚喜的煙幕

骨子裡我跟本不．會．愛．

告訴我這種懼怕只是

深愛你

必經的過程之一吧

告訴我你看見我的愛吧

告訴我愛上了我的愛吧

告訴我你需要我這些即使不完美的愛吧

那我就不顧一切再次去愛了

教我．愛。

你說，要在生活中活出我們的烏托邦

那是痛苦中享樂吧?

惟有這樣了

那是否很無奈和悲哀

還是該慶幸和感恩

你說，要用你的方式來愛我

原來那也本是我的方式

只是讓誤會遮蓋了一會兒罷了

被你愛，看見你的真誠

好感動

也讓人感到溫柔

我愛這樣的靜靜地、平靜地、溫和地、

和你分享生活

想你

風兒說過，有一種不占據的愛

原來是真的, 是我沒聽懂過。。。

* * * *

在你巨大的愛裡，

我有著種種不安。。。

是我多愁善感了吧？

還是我貪心了呢？

15. 愛我的你。。。 Promise

Yes I love you and Yes I won't abandon you.  

I can say this in confident because through out my experiences, 

it is almost a guarantee that I never abandon the person I love .... 

To me ... or my site of story for past 2 weeks are :  

I never leave you, 

I got tight up, 

I didn't email you 

and I didn't sms you 

but I was always thinking about you 

and wondering what I could do to ease your feeling 

but ended up I couldn't do a thing at that time.  

The best thing I could do, at that time, 

was asking you to give me some Time.  

Then when I finally able to make time to write you .... 

You have said you are gone.  

My heart was really sour at that time.  

To me, it was another typical my life stage where 

someone I love left me before I have a chance to share .... 

especially I was preparing to share so much ....

I was hurt, 

I had sour heart.  

But I treasure the feeling you gave me, 

thus I love you more.  

However, I had to make a mark on that scar .... 

as my 1st scar in my heart from you.  

I don't know if you remember my "hurt me twice" rule ?  

I don't know yet if I can take the 3rd hit from you.  

I don't know if I will get defensive when you strike me the 3rd time .... 

but even if I have to protect myself by then, 

I can surely let you know now, 

I still love you exactly the same as always if not more ... 

and I would probably just entering into a self protect mechanism.  

This is the button I beg you not to push .... now.  

Coz I need you 

and I will hate myself 

if I restrain myself to contact you again ....  

On my part, 

I love a person as she is.  

I have no expectation ... well, may be not entirely true.  

I do have expectations 

but those expectations would not affect my love to her.  

When she didn't do as 'I expected' I just get disappointed, upset ... 

but I still treasure those feeling she gave me, 

hence continue to love her ...

... I usually take a much longer time to express my feeling... 

I needed to think of a way to express my love...

and to express it at the right moment where I can be very sure she can feel it.  

 .......  else I don't do anything at all.

With you ....

 I broke that 'way of dealing' of mine.  

I said it out loud I miss you and I love you 

before I spend time to think of how I should express my love this time etc.  

By now that I have tried both ways, 

I think the previous approach is still better for me.  

No matter how many times I type the words miss and love, 

I don't think you can feel what I really want you to know.  

Because when I typed it, I didn't feel it neither ... 

or I just don't feel enough ... how could u ever feel any better then ? isn't it ?

*HUG*
M

Thursday, 11 Sep 2008   02:11

I want you to hold me tight... 

and never let go of me, anymore...

14. 請來看我、讀我、聽我吧。。。A beautiful & sunny day...

Started work so i wont have time again, just to let you know.  

Take good care ya! 

Miss you!

Tuesday, 9 Sep 2008   15:51

謝謝妳的電話

真的心花怒放

今天空氣特別好

什麼都美麗了

妳沒說錯，我真的會愛上妳的聲音

希望我也沒太令妳失望。。。

Thursday, 11 Sep 2008   10:18

I meant the same and from the bottom of my heart.  

But I don't have the confidence that those words can translate the same level of my feeling to you.  

So I feel that those words are not enough to make you feel what I want to express,  but I do mean them, every single time....

... Your mail is one special thing that I want to find time by myself, sit down and slowly read them ... which I don't have now yet.  

Love ya !!

11 Sep 2008   10:25

You didn't hurt me, I said i was hurt.  

They carry different meaning.  

And I'm OK2 with all the things you said and did so I guess that make us same when comes to treating each other.

11 Sep 2008   13:15

Today I see blossom in Utopia.  

I have always looked up in the past and talked to wind.  

Now we know our root under our feet is strong and it has come to life. 

Love.

11 Sep 2008   13:27

Pick me...

See me as the sensual one out of my rational shelf;

a caring one out of the sarcastic shelf;

a soft and gentle one out of firm and tough shelf...

在我的自信中找到不安吧。。。