Read it again﹣you will find the conversation was interesting cos both minds were trapped in the angle of themselves instead of understanding what is the other one trying to say...
We were 48hrs apart and when we finally meet again, we wanted to find out if he/she has changed and not same anymore... We thirst for each other to show love but we are too stingy to do for each other cos we are protecting ourselves?
You were trying to convince me that i shouldnt feel sad.
But I cant accept anything cos I just cant think logically or literally anymore. I have a 'designed' sentence, only that is what my mind could receive and being fulfill. But i doubt even if i get it, what's next? :)
Do you really not knowing what kind of designed sentence is in my mind? - about how did you love and miss me in the past days?
It is something like what I would like to tell you here - which is more like a report of how I have been on your mind and what do you think of having it:
I have been missing you in the past days since you last sms me in Monday morning 4am. Like I told you, I slept on Sunday at 11-1 pm, while you were making love with P. It was the only 2-hour. I couldnt sleep after u left at 4am cos I think of you a lot, every second of it. I closed my eyes and lying on bed and looked aslept but my mind has an overwhelming desire of love to you. With my sad and tired body I had got helps from him for our tasks and I couldnt stop thinking of you in the day time. I did not slept soundly when you were looking up for me on Monday night, but it was a longest one in the past week. I havent been able to sleep well ever since we started to chat cos it was too beautiful to see you and see you loving me in the same way and seeing that we think alike and appreciate each other.... We ended most of the chats near dawn and we both got up as early as we are, we slept only 2-3 hrs in a day, continuously for a week?
I dont know what to think. But I think we are too old to play this romance tricks as we have so much responsibilities in the day time, and we are being too naive.
It is addictive to love you. Do you know that?
Well, I get all of your messages now and Im satisfied. I know that you love me as much as I do these days. Despite the fact that I need to be cautious that you could be the real Vapor Trail who could vanish in the next second, turn his back to me and tell me to grow up, Im just a one of the challenging toy that he has, which is not challenging to him at all after I show all of my feelings. As I never lie or exaggerate the feelings so you have got me in this early stage and you can do anything u want to me and throw me away. I dont know what to trust now. The Utopia has become real? Or I need to protect myself from the fantasy.
But what are we? What could we be? We need to slow it down as we could only meet and stop missing each other when we meet in 80-year-old. There are 50 years more to go till it comes...
It is not what I wish, of cos.
When I said my heart aches, it means I miss you very much and I want to have you so greatly but I also know that I cant do that and Im nobody to do so, ethically. So, then I said i hate you and I hate this feeling.
But in your points of view, you thought you have been hurting me when you know that Im in pain? No, dont go surface please. Where is your confidence? Dont you know that you have me all over you right now? If you do, you would have made me feel the same as you do. Anyway, I trust that you are not on the surface only. But somehow you show a little demanding so i have to assume that you are in the lost as I do, which I know you couldnt be. I have to accept that you are, as I need to accept that you are just one of the ordinary men that you'd feel like everyone else feel, that you needed to feel and see love. If you really dont, please improve your communication skills then :) cos I really need you to show love to me instead of playing the philosophy games with me cos I could only get it the day after :))
Well, ethically, Yes, we are hurting each other by showing love to each other. We gave excuses: Utopia is what we trying to have - but we too know that we wont get it there and as a grief of not getting it there cos the word simply means Not-Real as it doesnt exist.
However, greed brought us here today that we want it more. Let's see face the fact that msn is the only place we could ever try to be.
And you know what? All of our conversation in the past one week, i have it all lingering in my mind.
When you said you are there for anyone who love you - it meant to me that u r accepting so much love around you as long as she gives her mind to you and you will love her in return and you are opened to love her too. But today, I realized it meant something much more deeper - that no one has ever been able to see who are you, so no one has been loving you. When someone is here, seeing who you are and loving you as your true self, then you will show yourself to love her. So, 'you are there for anyone who love you'. Does it look like I am the one now when you tell me that you love me? I cant believe it is, cos
You told me that you can only have one woman in one time, but it is only counting by second. It is not fair, as I can only love truly to one, you, by a life's time. So, it means that Im not the one for you or us, women & stuff, just spin like a roller in your mind in the 24hrs of a day, and you do miss each of us 'a lot'.
Anyway, You are a philosopher and Im glad that I can see it right now. Can you tell me that it is true here? Or am I wrong again? Do you mean something more than this?
22:35
I miss you, do you know it?
Yes, and every single second of mine too.
Will you be gone one day?
From you? No.
Tell me everything about "yes and every single second of mine too"
Mean I miss u very much too
I know what it means, but im counting words. it was 8 words but then after u 'tell me everything about it, it has only 6 words
Then ? 8 words changed to 6 words mean I miss u less kah ?
Yes it could
Can i have 20 or 30 words as an explanation please?
Hee hee, explain 'i miss u' in 20-30 words while u urself only give me 3 ? why today no update in bloggeh ?
I have more than hundreds. I have a new blog But im not going to let u see it
Really? hmm..that's new...
I dont know what would u think .. so i cant show it to you yet...
*Hug*
Are you one who wont tell others how you feel? You dont seem like one.
Hmm...I think by now you know me more than myself?
Do I?
Yes you do. Everything you said always is more true than I describe myself now. -->I told you it is a both way leading and following, but you disagreed. You need me to be here for you and to summarize you for you and then you will weight and see if which is more accurate. I know how it feels, my dear.
But why am I so lost and insecure now? My heart arches, you know?
I'm not lost and insecure, just you. I have faith in you, I never doubted you.
Yes I am. I didnt say it is you.
You shouldnt ache.
Do you know why you have faith and never doubted me? Cos I have shown everything to you completely but you have not. So it aches.
What have I not then? Tell me, ask me.
Cos 8 to 6:)
:P 8 to 6 compare to 3
:( I hate you. you have nth for me in the past 48hrs? I'm greedy.
Have. But after reading your blog about you away... I dare not send anything to you.
Hey you are so stupid. Dont believe what you see in my blog/fb, remember? That's a msg for my friends, not you.
Men are always stupid, the best man you can ever find is the one who listen to everything you said.
I dont get it. Do you want to see my new blog?
If you let me, yes.
It is ready for you, but, you didnt show that you want it. So I cant.
It is very tough to meet your standard.
Just tell me more about how you miss me. :( :( :( :(
*Hug* more tight
*Pad on the back*
So? Is that all?
No... I would love to tell you everything..
Tell me, why new blog? The current one is so beautiful...-->Bcos the new one is much better, more expressive. I cant hide there anymore. So it is 'not what you think' as it was for x and I only.
Cos the current one is my frens, I need a new one for "you and me"
So the old one is for x and you only? :( How many more you have out there :(
No it is not what you think :(
k k
wait a minute... Tell me you are jealous now :) Or tell me you miss me again...
hee... there you go, now you get me.
Do I? Do you?
I do miss you... the BIG MISS
8-6-4 how big could it be.
Not just any miss...I am really drained now.. from today's work. But I still come here, just 'hoping' somone would be in only... unlike last night, she didnt show up at all, but at least I can read her blog...
OK! Im 1% satisfied now :) So u will have it, forever. What do you think? Do you like it?
wah...EVERYTHING is there. The proof of affair. I LOVE it!
I dont trust you :(
This is the first time I have my feelings documented. Very interesting... a 2 way write up... feel very honor too...
Just tell me you love me and u want me as much as i do
Im designing the sentence that i want to hear. poor me. :(
I hate you
I hate me too
But you know it means I love you
So you know what i meant too
Be well, be the greatest tmrw!!!
I will be with you, every second.
I will really miss you more in days to come
I miss you very much and very strongly, do you know that?
Like how leh?
My heart aches, I told you.
I hate this feeling.
But i want you to have good feeling...
There isnt any, cos you have nth for me...
If I have been hurting you all this while, then its no good lor...
Im thinking maybe you just doing good deed for me instead of loving me as in romance, so i hate you.
Good deed cant be done without love. We have all the spiritual romance, just no physical ones.
Plus you love so many women, and I only have you. You think of us by second, but I will only think of you by a life time.
No I dont love so many women.
Tell me you love me, now?
I DO LOVE YOU now...
and I hope you are right here so that I can tell you that and look into your eyes. Especially after such a long day of 'actings'. Nothing could be more soothening than coming back to you at night...
Thank you. But it wont ease my heart right now.. as Im very greedy :(
Yes I know you are greedy :)
Will you try to fulfill it for me?
I hope you are greedy too when we meet next time. Yes I have no confidence I can fulfill you but I wont give up.
Why dont you? Dont you know how important you are to me now?
Yes.
Miss ya!!!
Love ya!!
Luv you more.
send me sms please... im checking it every second... :(
Wednesday, Aug 27 23:08
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